23 Important Terms Parents of Mixed Race Kids Need to Know
As the parent of a mixed race child, you will without a doubt find yourself navigating complex conversations about identity, race and equality at some point during the next 18 years. These 23 important terms parents of mixed race kids need to know will give you the vocabulary to better understand and talk about these issues with your kids, extended family, and community.
Mini-Dictionary for Parents of mixed race Kids
Before we dive in, please don't get overwhelmed by this big 'ol vocab list. I'm not going to quiz you when you're done reading (and neither will your kids). No one expects to become an expert on the mixed race experience. You just have to be willing to listen and learn alongside your child as they grow.
Having a basic understanding of these important words and phrases will make you more aware of common issues mixed race individuals face. They will give you a foundation to be able to talk with your child about their identity, needs and rights in a way that honors them.
So, instead of feverishly taking notes and stressing over this list, think of it as adding helpful tools to your parenting tool chest. Ready to equip yourself to become your mixed race child's best advocate? Good, let's go!
1) Ethnicity
Let's start with the most confusing section on those demographic forms- ethnicity and race. No, they are not the same thing. And no, they are not interchangeable.
Ethnicity refers to a group of people who share the same culture, language, customs, or geographic region. Your mixed race child will probably identify with more than one ethnicity based on their lived experiences and heritage.
2) Race
Race is a socially constructed (i.e. made up) classification system. It was initially created as a social hierarchy but now it is more based on physical characteristics (ahem, skin color) than socioeconomic status.
Spoiler alert though, there is no genetic basis for race. 99% of all human genes are the same. Differences in skin color are a result of evolution. If your ancestors lived in an area where they were exposed to a lot of sun, they developed darker skin. (Yes, that’s really all there is to it.)
Yet, even though the idea of race, racial categorization and hierarchies are 1000% made up, we, as a society, made them real.
3) Phenotype
Phenotype (pronounced fee-no-type) is the name for the visible physical characteristics or traits you can see, like eye color, hair texture and skin tone. A biracial child will often have a phenotype that blends features from both parents.
While phenotype does influence how a person is racially perceived by others, it is not the same as race. How someone looks doesn't dictate their racial identity. Your child can identify with a race that doesn't match their physical appearance.
4) Biracial
Biracial is a term used to describe a person who identifies with more than one race. This could be because they have parents of two different races or heritage from two different racial groups.
5) Mixed Race
Mixed race refers to individuals who have parents from two or more racial backgrounds. I generally use the term mixed race in my work for two reasons:
It includes a larger group of people.
There is a whole field of study called “Critical mixed race studies” that I use to give you research-based advice.
6) Multiracial
Multiracial is similar to mixed race. The term technically describes individuals who have parents from multiple racial backgrounds.
I don't use this term as often in my work because the corporate world regularly uses it to describe a company with two or more races represented in their workforce. For example, "We have a Black person and an Asian person working here so we are a multiracial corporation". (Woohoo, good for you 😝.)
7) Racial Identity Development
Racial identity development is my jam! This is the fascinating, unique journey each of us takes toward discovering "who we are" in terms of race and identity. Since mixed race kids don't fit neatly into any one racial category, they spend most of their adolescence and a good part of adulthood putting together the pieces of their racial identity puzzle.
My goal is to help parents understand how to support their kids as they explore their racial identities. I know you want your child to develop an unshakable sense of self that can withstand the complexities of being mixed race in a monoracial world. That is why I created The Mixed Life Academy, to provide you with the necessary tools to make that happen.
8) Colorblind
The colorblind mentality is the idea or belief that we shouldn't see or acknowledge skin color. Colorblindness often sounds like:
“There is only one race-the human race.”
“I don’t see color, just people.”
Unfortunately, taking the colorblind approach does more harm than good. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all see color and race impacts our lives every day. Asking your mixed race child to ignore skin color ignores the reality of their lived experience and shuts down important conversations that they need to be able to have.
9) Tokenism
Tokenism is essentially checking the inclusion box without actually doing the work. We often see this in organizations or in the media when they include a small number of people who identify with minority groups solely to show diversity and call themselves inclusive.
10) Colorism
Colorism shows up A LOT with mixed race kids. It is a form of prejudice or discrimination where people are treated differently based on their skin tone. Individuals with lighter skin may be given more privileges than those with darker skin.
11) Racism
Racism is a system of advantages and disadvantages based on race. Notice I didn't say it is about certain "bad" people making prejudiced comments or choices. Racism can show up as unconscious biases and stereotypes, systemic inequalities, and racial profiling. It isn't necessarily a question of good or bad people but of ingrained beliefs that impact our everyday lives.
Parents of mixed race children need to do the inner work to uncover any racist ideas or beliefs they hold. They also need to acknowledge the ways racism impacts their interracial marriage and their mixed race kids.
12) Monoracism
Monoracism is a form of racism targeted at people of mixed heritage. It is the belief that all individuals should fit into just one nice, neat racial category.
This idea shows up in many ways- from denying the existence of mixed race individuals to assigning them a monoracial identity based on their appearance. Unfortunately, many people uphold monoracism without even realizing it.
For parents and caregivers of mixed race children, it is your job to equip and empower kids to recognize that they can fully belong to multiple categories at once.
13) Systemic Racism
Systemic racism is the institutionalized racism embedded into society and organizational structures. It is not about an individual's beliefs but about how systems were intentionally created to favor one group of people over another. Systemic racism denies certain groups equal rights and opportunities by creating additional barriers for them.
Systemic racism is the reason why race influences how people are treated in the criminal justice system, who gets which jobs, who lives where, the quality of health care you receive, and who ends up in political power, just to name a few. Addressing systemic racism requires intentionally noticing and working to dismantle or disrupt the system in any way you can.
14) Implicit Bias
Implicit biases are attitudes or stereotypes that unconsciously influence how we view the world. These biases are formed at an early age and are beliefs that we accept as truth without question. We all hold biases around race, ethnicity, age, and appearance. Since they are unconscious, we usually aren't aware of these thought patterns. Our implicit biases can even contradict our conscious beliefs.
The Harvard Implicit Association Test is a valuable tool for uncovering your biases. You can use the test to shine a light on some of your unconscious beliefs and turn them into known biases. Once you are aware of these internalized beliefs, you can begin working to dismantle them.
15) White Supremacy
White supremacy is the belief that white people are superior and should have dominant power and control over people of other races. White supremacist beliefs and actions can manifest in a variety of ways, from overt violence to more covert systemic discrimination, like what we talked about under systemic racism.
Although very few people openly claim white supremacy beliefs, if you live in a country colonized by Europeans, you probably live in a white supremacy culture. That means white supremacy beliefs and values are embedded into the way we live and affect our lives, whether we agree with them or not.
16) White Privilege
White privilege refers to the advantages and benefits that white people have because of their skin tone. It does not mean that white people don’t face problems in their lives. It means the systems themselves aren’t an additional barrier to them. It is kind of like being given a head start in life.
17) White Fragility
White fragility is the discomfort and defensiveness that white people often feel when topics related to racism come up. Fragility responses can range from anger and defensiveness to shame-fueled tears.
Regardless of what it looks like, white fragility prevents productive conversations about race and often keeps white people from engaging in meaningful anti-racist work.
18) White Savior Complex
The white savior complex shows up when a white person wants to "fix" the problems of people of color, often without fully understanding the context of the issue or asking for input from the people they are trying to help.
This attitude stems from the (often subconscious) belief that people of color cannot solve their own problems and need a white person to come to the rescue.
We see this a lot in volunteer tourism, international aid, movies and literature. Even if the actions stem from good intentions, they reinforce harmful stereotypes, maintain power imbalances, and overshadow the voices and efforts of people of color.
To avoid letting the white savior complex get in the way of supporting your mixed race child, take the time to analyze the why behind your actions and reactions.
19) Gas Lighting
Gaslighting is a sneaky form of psychological manipulation where a person or group of people work to make someone doubt their own experiences, memories or perceptions. Gaslighting can look like:
Downplaying experiences: "I'm sure they didn't mean it like that."
Denial: "Racism doesn't exist anymore."
Blaming the victim: "You are being too sensitive."
Questioning: "Are you sure that is what happened?"
To avoid gaslighting your child, accept their interpretation and perception of their experiences. Give them the space to talk. Remember, you don't have to have all the answers, you just have to listen.
20) Ethnocentrism
Ethnocentrism can show up in two ways:
Believing that the culture you identify with is superior.
Judging another person's culture through your cultural lens.
Ethnocentrism often leads to discrimination and a lack of understanding. To counteract ethnocentrism, actively learn about other cultural views and beliefs. Foster a sense of curiosity and respect for cultural differences, instead of viewing them as threats.
21) Cultural Competence
Cultural competence is the antidote to ethnocentrism. It is the ability to build healthy relationships with people across cultures. It requires approaching cross-cultural experiences with curiosity and humility instead of a superior or judgemental mindset.
22) Cultural Appropriation
Cultural appropriation is adopting or imitating elements of one culture by members of another culture without understanding or respecting the original culture and context.
As a mixed race family you are also mixing cultures. It is your responsibility to learn about and understand aspects of your child's cultural heritage but you also need to let the experts (those who belong to that cultural group) lead the way.
23) Microaggressions
Microaggressions are subtle, often unintended acts of discrimination that can have a big impact on your mixed race kids. Microaggressions can be verbal or non-verbal. There are six types of microaggressions that mixed race individuals face regularly.
As the parent of a mixed race kid, teaching your child how to navigate microaggressions is about as important as teaching them to eat vegetables and clean their room. It's an absolute necessity. Microaggressions will be a part of your mixed race child’s life. Instead of trying to always shield them from the comments, you need to teach them how to handle them.
How to Best Support Your Mixed Race Kids
Whew- that was a lot. While this list may feel daunting and intimidating, educating yourself about these concepts, and actively working to combat racism, is a powerful step forward- for our world and your kids.
The good news is that your kids don't expect you to have all the answers. They just want you to listen to their questions and be willing to talk openly about their racial identities.
Remember, your child's experiences are real and valid. Empower them with knowledge, teach them resilience, and equip them with the tools to navigate the world as a mixed race individual.
Jennifer Noble is a licensed psychologist, lover of adolescents and coach for parents of mixed race children. She is the founder and CEO of Free to Be Collective, an organization serving marginalized people and nontraditional families. Dr. Jenn created an online educational community for parents of mixed race kids to help families raise confident, resilient children. Her passion for identity freedom and her advocacy for the mixed race community are fueled by her lived experience. In addition to coaching parents, Dr. Jenn owns a private practice in Los Angeles, is a keynote speaker on various topics related to adolescence and the mixed race experience, and teaches at the collegiate level.