The Negative Impact of Microaggressions on Mixed Race Kids and teens
Have you ever heard of microaggressions? They are those sneaky, subtle (sometimes not-so-subtle) comments about your child's appearance, identity, or heritage that can make your mixed race kiddos cringe.
Despite their name, microaggressions are a type of racial discrimination that is anything but micro. Some psychologists refer to them as death by a thousand cuts. (Sounds fun, huh?)
There are six types of microaggressions that mixed race individuals face regularly. We are going to dive deep into each one to help you understand the impact of microaggressions on mixed race kids and their mental health.
Don’t worry, I won’t leave you hanging with a head full of bad news. We will wrap it all up with some helpful tips so you know how to respond to multiracial microaggressions in a way that empowers your child.
6 Types of Multiracial Microaggressions
You and your child have likely already witnessed all six of these microaggressions at some point. You just didn’t know they had a name at the time.
By becoming aware of what these microaggressions are and how they show up in your child’s everyday life, you’ll be better prepared to help your kids confront and deal with them, lessening their impact and boosting your kids’ confidence.
1) Exclusion and Isolation
This microaggression often sounds something like, "You can't celebrate Black History Month! You aren't really Black."
If you’ve ever heard multiracial individuals mention that they don't feel like they are enough for any of the groups they identify with to fully fit in, that belief stems from experiencing this microaggression over and over again.
These nagging comments can plant seeds of doubt in your child’s mind, leading to feelings of insecurity and even loneliness.
2) Denial of Multiracial Identity
In some ethnic and racial groups, the minute your child says "I am _______ (racial or ethnic group) and ________" they are met with an instant denial of their multiracial identity.
Other times, the denial is more subtle, "Are you sure you are Latino? You don't look like the other Latinx students."
No matter how it comes out, it is a denial of their multiracial identity. This microaggression dismisses the unique mix of your child's heritage. Not only is this message frustrating and confusing for your child but it can also make them feel invisible.
3) Exotification or Objectification
I'm gonna guess you didn't even make it out of the hospital before someone looked down at your precious newborn and said, "Aww, I always wanted a mixed baby. They are just so much cuter!" (As if you'd placed a special order.)
Unfortunately, this is one of the most common microaggressions a mixed race person experiences. It can come in so many different ways, shapes and forms that it is often an everyday experience. This becomes frustrating, annoying, upsetting, basically, all the uncomfortable feelings wrapped into one.
Exotifying multiracial children dehumanizes them. Sometimes they start to believe that they are only valued for their superficial physical appearance or that there is something wrong or strange about their appearance.
4) Mistaken Identity
This racial microaggression can sometimes be funny or light-hearted. For example, when I am in D.C., I get mistaken regularly for an Ethiopian.
Other times, it can be incredibly painful and upsetting. For instance, if an individual who identifies as Asian and white is perceived as white and finds herself in a group of people making anti-Asian comments, that would be anything but funny.
The constant scrutiny and doubt about who you really are and where you fit can wear on adults and kids alike. In a world obsessed with labels, having to regularly defend your racial category can be downright exhausting.
5) Pathologizing of Identity and Experiences
I know that pathologizing might sound like a fancy, academic word. It just means making someone feel like their experience is wrong or abnormal. So, in this case, it would mean that someone is insinuating that a multiracial person, or the multiracial reality, is not valid or acceptable.
For example, if someone says, "I am Asian, Black and Puerto Rican," and is told they have an identity crisis, they are experiencing this microaggression.
Sometimes pathologizing can even look like outright bullying. I have worked with mixed race individuals who had their hair cut, were picked on, or even beaten up because someone else was struggling to accept their full identity.
Microaggressions that pathologize multiracial identities or experiences can invalidate a person's sense of self and erode their self-esteem. It can make kids feel frustrated and excluded.
6) Comments Based on Racial Stereotypes
Not only do multiracial people face discrimination around their multiracial identity, they are often faced with racial stereotypes about the groups they identify with as well.
This can show up in biased comments like, "Oh, you're Asian?! You must be super good at math!" or unconscious biases that lead to unfair treatment in schools or within the criminal justice system.
Microaggressions can have a significant impact on a mixed race child's self-esteem, sense of belonging, and identity formation...but they don't have to. As a parent, you can ensure that your multiracial children feel empowered and equipped to stand up against racial microaggressions and learn to brush them off without internalizing them.
To get specific solutions for each of these six microaggressions mentioned, join the Free to Be Collective and watch my lessons in my Mixed Life Academy video library. The Collective is the only educational community for parents of mixed race kids!
Inside The Collective, you'll find short, on-demand videos that explain all six microaggressions in depth so you can recognize them when they come up.
I also provide a list of specific responses for each one. You'll never have to wonder what to say or how to respond again. Join today!
Jennifer Noble is a licensed psychologist, lover of adolescents and coach for parents of mixed race children. She is the founder and CEO of Free to Be Collective, an organization serving marginalized people and nontraditional families. Dr. Jenn created an online educational community for parents of mixed race kids to help families raise confident, resilient children. Her passion for identity freedom and her advocacy for the mixed race community are fueled by her lived experience. In addition to coaching parents, Dr. Jenn owns a private practice in Los Angeles, is a keynote speaker on various topics related to adolescence and the mixed race experience, and teaches at the collegiate level.